Enough With the Girl Scout Cookies
Do I have to be accosted and made to feel like a chump by these young girls everywhere I go? The bank, CVS, the super market, the pet store. I mean, really, how have Girl Scout Cookies been a thing...
View ArticleDead Seriousness Handicaps the Oscars; Best Picture
OK, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Is Dead Seriousness getting all serious talking about the Oscars? What the hell is this nonsense?” Worry not, dear reader, we’ll return you to our...
View ArticleGirl Has Two Vaginas So She Can Shut You Down Twice
In case you haven’t checked your StumbleUpon for “vagina” lately (And don’t act like you 1) still don’t use StumbleUpon and 2) have “vagina” in there as well as other female body parts), there’s big...
View ArticleDeadseriousness Guide: To Make Summer 2015 Your Bitch
I read men’s magazines. No, no, not those kinds. The ones like Men’s Fitness and Men’s Health. Because, damn it, I wanna be a man someday and these guys seem to have it all figured out. Why, I was just...
View ArticleCaitlyn Jenner Hates Caitlyn Jenner
Look, over the last few days, the interwebs have been all aglow about the unveiling of Caitlyn Jenner. And while this move has generally ellicted much positive response and praise, not everyone is so...
View ArticleWhat I Learned: Week of June 28
I don’t know what Bethe Difference did to get her hashtag all over the Women’s World Cup, but good for her. Philadelphia Phillies hired their new club president, Andy Mac Phail. Bob O’Loserington...
View ArticleWhat I Learned; Week of July 5
It’s like the sharks came and ate all the rainbows and General Lees on my timeline. People are already wwayyy to attached to this new Ghostbusters flick. Tom Cruise announces he’s leaving Scientology...
View ArticleWhat I Learned Week of July 12
John Oliver is pretty funny, but probably a buzzkill at a party. “Wow, that was a great All Star game!” Said nobody. Ever. If you sing on a Subway and no one notices, are you Brandy? This weeks’...
View ArticleMy Best Sharknado 3 Jokes
OK, don’t act like you didn’t. You did. I did. A lot of people who would never admit it did. Syfy has done a great job making the annual Sharknado movie the social media event of the summer. Much like...
View ArticleThe War on Cargo Shorts
It seems other dweebs on the net have nothing better to write about in the late summer than cargo shorts. When I haven’t been watching puppy clips or school girl videos, I’ve seen a number of articles...
View Article27 Thoughts I Had During NFL Week 1
NFL Week 1 has come and gone and here are a few thoughts I had throughout the Sunday. 1. Is there really a “winner” in a Browns-Eagles game? 2. NFC East=CM Punk. NFC Everwhere Else=Mickey Gall 3. My...
View ArticlePlease Don’t Follow Me on Twitter
I really need to pay closer attention. I didn’t read my contract to work here. Who reads any of that stuff? We all mindlessly check boxes, agree to terms and load apps that see all our information. I...
View ArticleDo Any Ugly Girls Stand Up Paddle Board?
Look, I don’t wanna get all heavy on you guys, we’re not that kinda site. But I seriously think it’s a conspiracy; on the level of the Illuminati and the coconut oil people. Here I am, writing out a...
View Article10 Potential Quarterbacks For the New England Patriots Next Week
The Wheel of Misfortune continues to spin in Bahsten, yet the New England Patriots are defiantly 3-0. Tom Brady is still 2 weeks away from being fed up with Gisele’s shit and taking over. The problem...
View ArticleThe Brangelina Divorce; What We Know
While the dissolution of Brangelina has caught us all off guard, allegations of cheating and abuse are rampant. While it is still too soon to tell, we have learned the following things. No matter how...
View ArticleI, For One, Welcome Our Evil Clown Overlords
There are many issues plaguing our country. One need to look no further than the upcoming election to see the issues raised. Racism is still running rampant, as any look at the comments section of a...
View ArticleYou College Kids Are Letting Me Down
Seriously, y’all been letting me down this month. I know you’ve only been “back” for a few weeks. Taco Tuesday comes every week and football season is in full swing. But I also know it’s not like...
View ArticleHusband Dumps Wife After Seeing Her With No Make Up
A cautionary tale for the ladies. A man recently divorced his wife after seeing her without makeup for the first time. I can’t make this stuff up. The newspaper Aletihad reported that the couple went...
View ArticleThe Fast Version of Queen’s “We Will Rock You” Does Not Suck
Yea, I’m shocked, too. No doubt, you are familiar with the song. It’s a federal law that sports arenas have to play it as a “pump up” song. In fact, “We Will Rock You” is right up there with “Rock N...
View ArticleThe War on Cargo Shorts
It seems other dweebs on the net have nothing better to write about in the late summer than cargo shorts. When I haven’t been watching puppy clips or school girl videos, I’ve seen a number of articles...
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